Is ‘receiving’ energy what you need?

A classical guitar and baritone private concert we 'received' in our yard on Nov 14! Thank you David Asbury and Bruce Cain.

I know a marvellous woman, let’s call her Belle, whom I’d like to know better. She’d be a great mate, I feel in my bones. Only thing is, we’ll never be close because she’s a Rescuer. She’s only interested in you if you’re in trouble and she can help, but if you’re OK she not that available.

We were in the same hobby group for a while, we have people in common, yet that’s just how she rolled. Frustrating. I wouldn’t act the Victim to get her attention.

Different subject – but is it? I had a Business Mentor vet my blog. She said, “lots of insights, not enough selling, no urgency.” Fair enough. I wasn’t surprised but something there reminded me of Belle’s energy, “I’ll help you but you can’t help me”, around this. Am I being a Rescuer here in this space and it prevents you, dear reader, really connecting with me? Stops me receiving your trust and funds?

I got in touch with the difference between ‘giving’ energy and ‘receiving’ energy in a video recently*. For me, ‘receiving’ has a softer, less energetically directed, vulnerable aspect to it – maybe that’s what stops Belle and me going there. Yet it is wonderful, rich in its own way and REALLY connecting. And we know it’s vital for a meaningful exchange to take place that both give and receive go on, right?

I dislike selling when it’s pushy and out of context, and in some way that hampers my presenting sales information, but all the same I really really want to help you to connect, communicate, speak up and unleash yourself. That involves you getting you into a commercial relationship with me, apart from free materials like this newsletter and this week’s events. To put it another way, it needs me to receive from you just as much as for you to receive from me.

So selling you my services is spot on. Especially if you are a great fit, a candidate who wants to reach your next step, and who believes I can help you get there through enhanced connection, communication, Speaking Up skills and Unleashing Yourself programs.

It’s a disservice to you if I fail to make you offers. It’s a disservice to both of us if those offers aren’t things that you can easily and smoothly say yes to.

Urgency And there is urgency here. I want transformation for you. Every day you put off getting yourself coached or professionally supported is detrimental to your energy and drive if that is the best way for you to change. You want to get in touch with your escalator, your hot air balloon that’s going to take you upwards and onwards to that destination you can reach out and touch in your daydreams. That you can taste – it’s on the tip of your tongue. You can smell it. That’s not where you are right now. That tastes dusty and mildewy.

I want you to unleash YOURself so much. So forgive me if my energy has been not been ‘receiving’ enough for us both to really connect and make that happen. I can recognise it at last. And I want transformation for me too. My business needs you in order to function, to keep growing, to keep unleashing ITself. And I need you to unleash MYself.

And of course, in the service of giving, even if you’re not an ideal client for me, you might want to look at this concept in relation to your own interactions with your boss, your clients, your family members. I promise to receive your feedback with true openness should you wish to offer it.


1. An exchange you desire isn’t happening. Check and see what energy you’re in. If you want help with this, check A New Way of Hugging* from Rachel Jane Groover.

2. If you are in perpetual ‘giving’ mode, is there ‘receiving’ space the other end?

3. If you think you are in ‘receiving’ mode, are you truly open to accepting whatever might come?

Programs right now

1. Strategy session   -  A 30 minute strategy session gets us in touch and doesn’t commit you to anything yet. I’ll receive your confidences in a trusted space about what changes you want to make. If we can envisage you receiving a strategic boost in that direction using my tools and techniques for connecting, communicating, Speaking Up and Unleashing Yourself, we can choose to take it further afterwards.

You need to be able to grow and change, be on time and not be a moaner for this to work.

If this says “yes” right now, call me on 0413610350 or email to I’d love to have that conversation. Even strategy sessions alone have got people moved, directed, motivated and leapfrogging.

Take action: 'Gift of the rhinoceros' by Mikaela Castledine, Western Australia, from Sculptures By The Sea, 2014.

2. Get Clear and Get Traction  - If you already suspect you need coaching, or are a returning client, you may want to start pronto with the Clear and Traction package. It has a 90 minute starter session and three other 60 min sessions, plus phone and email support. This program can have you on your way in no time. Now. Imagine feeling better already this time next week or even sooner?

Deciding itself changes everything. Call me now on 0413610350 or email to and we can get into YOUR stuff and start sorting it out straight away. I receive a fee for this package, obviously, and I am happy to share the figure with you once we discuss your needs and see if this is right for you.

Energy Boost ‘When you ask for what you need and receive what people and the world have to give, you reduce stress and gain energy.’ – Amanda Owen from The Power of Receiving: A Revolutionary Approach to Giving Yourself the Life You Want and Deserve.

Coming up – Events

This Saturday Nov 29 Afternoon tea from 3pm to 5pm.

The Flourisheer tribe’s end of year gathering and general gab-fest. Let’s get among the cakes!

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Be original

Because I’ve been to the Jean-Paul Gaultier exhibition at the National Gallery of Victoria and mulled over that courturier’s talent, here are three pointers. They can apply outside the atelier and inside your work or business.
Be original. The exhilaration of the bud of an idea, further discovery, and then the full flowering of that concept into a rare and magnificent creation. Imagine driving your uniqueness further in your work. It can be a powerful attractant (something like fire propellant!).

Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself. Some creatives do something exhaustively for a time and then move on, eg Picasso’s blue period. Jean-Paul often returns to a theme a decade later. He seemingly repeats his design but in a new material, such as an original corset–inspired dress in ribbons, and fabric, comes out later in leather and still later in metal. Each iteration shows the idea in a different light, often simplifying as it goes.

In business, this could be your original offering developed for individuals could now be remade for groups, say, then for hundreds of people at speaking gigs or for thousands with a book or video.

Copy in your own way. Early on J-P went over from Paris to London and took inspiration from the Punk scene. Out came his amazing Mohawk headdresses, studded leather and tartan everything. He didn’t start that stuff but he made it his own in luxury, extremism and materials (feathers!) beyond anything you’d have seen on the streets.

With your approach to creating for work: is there something that you can modify, not insisting to yourself that you reinvent the wheel. Some say industry in Japan post WW2 was built on this.

Be original – Actions 

  1. What is it that you alone are great at*?
  2. Note that down, right now! Anywhere to hand.
  3. Make a diary entry to review it in two days.
  4. Watch and see if anything supporting that pops up in the meantime. Maybe you notice someone in the same field at an event, you learn more about it in some oblique way, or it enters your consciousness through something you read, view or discuss.
  5. If you have a great idea, give it oxygen and blood. See where it takes you. Don’t wait for ‘a more convenient time’.
  6. If you’ve forgotten it in the meantime, it might be not an idea for now. Put it somewhere safe.
  7. If nothing comes, repeat yourself or copy, as described earlier. That can turn out ‘original’ too!

*Sometimes you can’t see that yourself and you need a trusted advisor to help you to isolate your greatness. Contact me for a session on this.

Latest Speak Ups

The Speak Up stories are flooding in, thank you! Here are two that show the difference that Speaking Up even once can bring.

Explaining was fantastic Joy: “After hearing your Speak Up talk recently I was sad for a while because it reminded me of our childhood when my sister and I experienced some domestic violence [from our father]. Dad had a fantastic side, but even as an adult I used to be scared – ‘what’s Dad going to make of my decision?’

“Then I had some conversations with my husband and explained to him why it is that I prefer, when we have words, that we don’t do it in front of our young son. He’s copying everything.”

Hearing about the origins of her requests made Joy’s husband understand her more deeply. “My husband knew about my childhood, but when we talked about it some more, it was fantastic.

“It also made us realise that now we’re busy working parents we haven’t been making time for ‘us’ like we used to, and how important that is.”

Told her mother off 

Sculpture by Doug Hyde, Heard Museum, Phoenix Arizona.

About how shy Valerie finally stood up to her mother. Sally: “My mother Valerie is an extraordinary person – like most people who are close to their parents, I’m quite biased but she was and is the most incredible parent to all of her children. She was so pathologically shy as a child  -  she couldn’t make eye contact, at her first job she would hide in the attic of the flower shop when a customer walked in.

I think because of this she has this incredible intuition or capacity for empathy, particularly when it comes to family. To use a cliché, she’s a ‘soft place to fall’ and has the most beautiful connection with all of us. She has 13 grandchildren and they’re all completely besotted with her because she ‘knows’ them – it’s never about her, always about them, selfless, modest and generous … the absolute antithesis of her mother.

I think the word that epitomises my grandmother is ‘narcissus’. Mum describes all this matter-of-factly (she’s nearly 80 now), almost emotionless.

I never loved her Valerie: “I never loved her [Valerie’s mother]. I felt like I wasn’t important, I wasn’t high up the chain, I was just someone who happened to be there and as long as I sat in a corner and read a book quietly, she thought that was fine. She’d describe me as `a good girl, no trouble’. She was just completely focused on herself. She was difficult to be around as a young girl – insensitive to how anyone else was feeling.

“As a teenager, I could get away from her but then as a young mother with a young family and a house slowly being built around us with very little money, she began to irritate me again. She was always doing things – working part-time in the pub, singing, going to the beach and if she had nothing else to do, she’d come and see the grandkids but she’d never offer to help – never bring a meal, iron a shirt, watch the kids while I slept, nothing. She’d just talk about what she’d been doing.

“I never said anything to her because we’d been brought up in a household where people didn’t say anything. There were never any raised voices, no fighting, no controversy. I thought, I’m married to someone I care about and who cares about me, the kids are healthy, I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. I’d try not to think about it but once the kids were at school I’d start to think about her. It was frustrating because I was feeling miserable and she was happily going about her life.

“When she was about 60 years of age she retired. I was around 40. She started to see other women who were close to their daughters and she wanted that relationship. It infuriated me that even though she wasn’t the parent she should have been, she felt entitled, like some kind of matriarch. She started calling me and coming over, wanting something that I couldn’t give her. It was too late.

I finally lost it (or The Volcano) “She continued to try to get this relationship from me and I was feeling increasingly smothered by her. This went on for quite a few years. Then it happened, I lost it.

“It was something small. She knew I hadn’t been well or I was stressed or something but she didn’t tell Dad and when he told me that he didn’t know I’d been unwell, it was like a trigger. She hadn’t told him because it wouldn’t enter her head as something significant.

“She called me a few days later about something unrelated and I just lost it, I was screaming, I can’t remember what I said but essentially I told her what I thought about her and how she’d been throughout my life – her self-centredness, selfishness, vanity.

Nothing changed but I felt better “Nothing changed. Why would it? She couldn’t acknowledge how she had been and I couldn’t be this person that she wanted. I was angry, she was defensive and all she said was if she’d upset me she was sorry.

“Things continued as they had before, she’d come over but I was almost indifferent to her. I’d just play a role on certain occasions (which I found patronising, but …). I’m sure she was hurt and upset by it but I couldn’t help it. I wish I’d been able to tell her calmly, in a measured way because maybe then she would have heard me.

“I’d spend so long trying to choose the right Mother’s Day card – nothing too intimate, just the bare minimum … I didn’t ever say anything else because it would hurt Dad.

“I felt better though and except for Mother’s Day or birthdays, I didn’t worry about it any more.”

Drinks, anyone?

Still a couple of spots to joint my tribe for a complimentary Flourisheer Drinks event on Nov 25 at 6pm. I’m feeding you bites as well. Please get in touch because I’d love to have you.

Coaching as propulsion

Where would you like to be with your career or business this time in 2015? Communication support can be the propulsion you need. Reach me on for a preliminary talk.

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Married the wrong man

“I love someone beyond all reason – and he loves me – yet we both married other people.

“My best friend knows but I’ve never told my children. I agonise back and forth about it but we have people who depend on us. I’ve decided that no one is to get hurt but me.”

As you may know, I’m collecting Speak Up stories and this one touches me to the quick. It is a Speak Up story that is yet to happen. Or may never happen. From someone whom I’ll call Sadie, it demonstrates that Sadie has yet to reach her Tipping Point* – that moment when you know your Speak Up time has arrived.

Sadie and Bob have rediscovered each other in the last five years and they’ve had “nine amazing days together” in that time. He is married, lives abroad, and is very involved in his adult children’s lives. Sadie was widowed in the last 12 months.

Sadie has decided she won’t change the status quo until – and here she defines her future Tipping Point: “If I was fatally ill or only had a few months to live – either of us – then there’d be no question, we’d be with each other. I fight that battle every day. It could happen at any time.

“I’m grateful for what I’ve got. I’m older and normally you’d think I’d never have a chance for great love again. I long for him like I’m going to die. Aside from the sadness, there’s joy never-ending.”

Continue Sadie’s story here

Sadie met Bob in high school. He was a bit older and from another country. They liked each other at once and by the time she was 18 they were engaged. He had to leave for military service and then was sent to a war.

They had been separated for over 12 months when, at home, Sadie made contact with a fellow countryman of her fiancé and naively agreed to show him around. This man, Tom, fell for her and she began a sexual relationship. Possibly deliberately, Tom got her pregnant, she says. She called off her engagement and married Tom. Bob returned to his home country and eventually married.

“I was young and self-centred, careless, I guess, thinking to do things without consequences when I slept with Tom. ‘No-one’s going to get hurt here, especially Tom. He adored me to the point of obsession.’

“When I think over it now I paid quite a big price for that mistake. I knew the day I married I was making a mistake.

“Every time I heard a love song or saw a romantic movie it was Bob I was thinking about. My husband was aware of that for about the first ten years and he was very possessive for the first 30 years until he became ill.

“He had a rotten childhood and I do believe I saved him, I had that responsibility on my shoulders. I spent 40 years atoning for not loving him the way I do Bob.”

Sadie’s husband was ill for years. About five years ago Bob in a far-off land had a cancer scare and “couldn’t bear not to see me again.” He tracked her down through family members and got in touch with her. “I cried buckets on my best friend’s shoulder and was such a mess. I shook all the time and I couldn’t sleep.”

They met for a few hours. It was exactly the same and they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

The couple live apart but connect all the time. “We message 30 times a day. He writes so beautifully. I tell him things nobody else in the world knows. We’ve written millions of words to each other. Since then they’ve had nine days together in precious moments off the radar. He is still married and very involved in his adult children’s lives.

“He’s very calm and steadying influence on me. We make the best of what we have.”

Earlier this year Sadie’s husband died. She still doesn’t feel she can go to Bob or dislodge Bob from his life.

“We say to each other, ‘One Day we’ll be able to be together’ but I don’t think One Day will ever come.

“We have everything in common. We share everything. He knows my schedule down to the last detail. I don’t have to walk on eggshells with him. I don’t have to spend my whole life trying to make him happy, I just don’t have to do that anymore.

“We’re like separated twins. We’re so alike, in the things we’re allergic to, our favourite foods, our attitudes to politics and religion.

“I love him so much I’m more concerned about him than me. I can live with whatever happens as long as he’s there. I trust him. He’ll never leave me again. He’s always there.

Sadie recognises that they don’t have a normal life with domestic concerns. “We’re never going to tire of each other. Being in the same room as him is just joy, like being in a bubble that glows with joy.

“It upsets me a little bit to talk about it.

“I’m clear-eyed. It’s an irrevocable decision.”

Join the dialogue

If you would like to join the dialogue about Sadie’s story go to the Facebook page Flourisheer where I, and the tribe, will welcome your comments.

The Speak Up stories collection is growing and I would love your story if you have one. By telling your story in this venue you can first of all create an important step in Speaking Up yourself. You can also help others who can see themselves or their situation in your particular story. Your actions and experiences and emotions in your story can support others who are feeling their way along their own paths to opening up.

For Sadie, it is entirely up to her whether she ever speaks more widely about her relationship with Bob, although she can attest of the relief that can come from even limited sharing from when she chose to tell her best friend. There are no judgments on any of the stories and I am here to support you in coming clean and opening up, if that is what you seek.

My Speak Up clients are often successful individuals who yet know that inside there is an issue bubbling away and wanting to come out. For better health, for enhanced ability to connect to family, friends, clients and colleagues, for improved financial power, Speaking Up can clear your channels and remake you anew.

Actions If you have a Speak Up story:

  1. Contribute your Speak Up story on Facebook.
  2. To do so, if you haven’t yet ‘liked’ the page Flourisheer do so.
  3. Add your story or comment.
  4. Or email them directly to me. I can interview you if you prefer.

*About the Tipping Point

Before Speaking Up people often reaching a stage in which they realise they have to speak. It still may take time before anything happens but at that stage it can be gnawing away at you. I have systems for supporting you around this and coaching you through it.

Too much attention

Is there something in the Australian character that feels uncomfortable with too much attention?

- Gabrielle Carey in her book Moving Among Strangers: Randolph Stow and My Family.






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How tribal are you?


Button blanket, late 1800s, Tlingit artist, wool, abalone shells, buttons. Denver Art Museum.

Tribal scenes at the football grand finals in Australia just gone. The enthusiasm of rabid supporters. Their colours and costumes. Their chants, they cheers. Their joy at success, their dejection at defeat. It’s all very tribal and there’s tribal in most of us.

Almost every human enjoys being part of a community. In former times there was church and school. I like community. I like to choose what I’m a part of, though it’s not football for me.

When I was a journalist on a paper or magazine the workplace was often my community. In two offices I had such great workmates they become my closest friends. In others, people I believed were mates turned out not to be and I never heard from them after I left.

As an entrepreneur, I’m getting close to fellow business people via meetings, masterminding and going deep. When you’re going through challenging experiences it’s relieving and refreshing to have someone in the same boat talk, share ideas and proffer advice when asked. It’s bonding, the essence of growing a tight group.

What’s your tribe deliver?

Have you hung with your Mothers’ Group through thick and thin, or does your hobby provide your home away from home? Are those Bushcare, gliding or fishing friends the ones you’ll still have in 20 years, or is it your big, juggernaut can’t–get-away-from-them-if-you-tried Italian family?

I’ve left several of my communities since shifting to Manly last year: the choir of over a decade, the hockey team of a couple of seasons and the neighbours in the street where our kids all grew up. I still miss the choir people yet was slightly bored with the content; something told me it was time to ditch the hockey, and we still speak to key ex-neighbours. We even see them occasionally, although it’s not the same as being able to pop over the road for the shared lawnmower and a chat.

It’s worth evaluating your tribes to see if they’re still working for you. What are you after? Growth and stimulation? If it’s new people and adventure you seek, adding a new group can work. If you’re making excuses to show up at events it may well be time to ditch that community.

Joining a tribe that has your best interests at heart, where you can meet people with similar paths, and learn and grow, is something I offer you.

This tribe needs you

I was delighted to have someone identify themselves as “a proud Flourisheer” the other week. That’s the tribe I didn’t 100% realise I was creating when I started in this business. It’s the tribe I’m 100% creating, supporting, celebrating and growing now. You have my attention.

You’re a member of the tribe if you’re a satisfied current client, a former client, or a potential client. Or someone who wants to stay in touch with what Flourisheer’s got to offer.

You’re in if you read this blog and have ever thought, “I could use that”.

You’re in if you look forward to the blog’s arrival in your inbox.

Even if it’s to argue with some of the points.

You’re in if you ‘liked’ the Flourisheer page on Facebook to stay in touch. Especially if you’ve made a comment.

You’re in if you want to work together one day and you’re filing this away for when the time’s right.

Now that I see it from this end, I understand I’ve been clearing away space for some time for this tribe; for you if you choose to be ‘a proud Flourisheer’.

I’m entertaining you in November

Yes, I might make this cake again.

I want to get together in person. You are invited to one of three complimentary social events hosted by me in Manly, NSW, Australia, to celebrate being a proud Flourisheer! Yay!

Tues Nov 25 – 6 – 8 pm drinks and ‘bites’

Sat Nov 29 –  3 – 5 pm afternoon tea

Sun Nov 30 – 9 -11 am brunch

I love to entertain and I’ll be providing the food and drink for each of these events because I want to see you, get connected in a new way and have you meet each other in a relaxed and hospitable setting.

All you have to do is RSVP soon, at and the first 40 people are in. I’ll share the destination with you when I get your email.

I know not everyone is in striking distance of Manly, New South Wales, or even Australia, normally, but if you like the idea, see if you can put it in your  “I want to be there” requests to the universe and see what happens!

It’s Time to Speak Up

It’s time to get off your chest that which has been bugging you for ages. For a safe space to open up before speaking, get in touch to explore achieving this and obtain a huge lift off for your career. Contact me for a strategy session by going to Time Trade to set up a time to talk.

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Celebrate on the go

Rooftop celebrating.

Celebrate. Do it then and there before you forget. A win, a completion, a new awareness. This magic energy can carry you through many a blah spot and dreary day.

I’ve had excellent celebrations recently. Our wedding anniversary was a sunny Saturday at last and we had no plans but biked down to Fairy Bower – our local marine park. The water looked so good and clear and flat I talked Mark into acquiring a thin flexible neoprene top that he can also swim in and by afternoon we were having our first snorkel of the season. Chilly but lovely. We saw some enormous flatheads.

Finally, located a rooftop bar in Manly where yes, French champagne was on offer. First time we’d been there.

I’ve been on a minor search for great rooftop drinking vantage points ever since our amazing 2011 visit to New York. While there for just a few days, we gloried in a Grapefruit Cosmo reflected in the sunset over the Hudson river at the Plunge Rooftop Bar at the Gansevoort Hotel (right).

The Thom Bar on roof of the Sixty Thompson hotel in SoHo (ostensibly guests only but you can talk your way in) had a dark Morrocan atmosphere and you could see a gorgeous moon (below). An entire hotel and street matching my name. How could that not be aligned by the universe with fun for the taking?

While anniversaries are obviously regular dates to celebrate, I’m urging you to notice … getting your new website a step nearer completion, your achievement in calling someone you’ve been putting off, the way you held yourself in a difficult situation, getting the kids to school without screeching. Less obvious and yet highly worthy occurrences of yours that you can celebrate.

Actions – Create a celebrate habit    

If this is still foreign to you, and you ask ‘Celebrate what?’ you may need practice to become more attuned to the opportunities. Having a regular appointment to notice them will do that. Take these steps:

  1. Decide your schedule. Every Friday afternoon, every Tues fortnight at 6am, each day at bedtime, choose and make a diary entry so you won’t forget or ignore it.
  2. Stipulate how many items will you present to practice celebrating. Three is a good number. One is OK too but you may dig deeper when it’s more.
  3. Choose categories. Some people allocate two celebrations from their business world and one from their personal life, for example.
  4. What will the celebration consist of? A meditation on your good fortune, a glass of wine, a walk in the sun, whatever floats your boat. Something extra that you wouldn’t normally be doing then.
  5. Recall your items and glory in them.
  6. Note how this makes you feel for a day or a week. Keep this up. It takes time to shift the pattern.

Anchoring the fun –  

* Please report over at Facebook when you’ve noticed anything change.

* Buddy up. Have a Celebration Bud (a Celebud? a Celebrat?) to help you share and spread the fun. Get them to align with your appointment or shift it to suit them too

*Once you have a handle on one or two items, increase their number. That’s means more chances to inject joy and satisfaction into your life.

Sittin’ at my desk must bring cash, right?

That used to be the answer in the days of a job. Work hard, get to the end of the week, take home a pay slip as cash zoomed into your account. A dependable amount, too. You might have had to put up with stuff at work, and you often wanted out, but put in your effort and time and you’d get your reward.

Completely different when you own a business. This is for those who are running their own lives as their own boss. Something rang true with me in this talk – that I was still somewhat in the “job” mindset. Sittin’ at the desk, puttin’ in the hours. It’s not necessarily about that at all. For more on this shift, thanks Eben Pagan and see:

You got swag?

Extra long tail means swag here.

Out with some great gals that I used to see every week when we were in a choir together.  We always laugh when we gather.

One told how both her young sons currently have broken hands from running into each other on their motorbikes. That’s now one of their chief qualifications for ‘having swag” i.e being cool.

Assessing a male adult they derided him for never having broken any bones motorbike riding. Devoid of swag. ‘But he’s very cool,’ argued their mum. ‘What kind of bike does he have anyway?’ ‘A roadbike.’ Absolutely no swag at all.

Overnight I percolated, while still smiling, that as everyone’s point of view is their own, you are entitled to yours too. The prevailing opinions of whatever society you are living in are just those accepted by the relevant group at that time and place.

If you don’t like The Bachelor and TV Week, if you’re not into that fan group’s behavior, you every right to develop your own. Likewise Kafka and Shakespeare might make you ill – fair enough.

Many of us need to stick up for our own ways of seeing the world and not buckle to popular opinion. (Popular opinion might just be the family or the group that you hang around with.) After all it’s just someone’s idea originally. It might not jive with yours. Create your own version. Get your own swag.





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Explosion — the Volcano

Sometimes we’re so good tamping something down we’re surprised when it doesn’t stay down.

Yes, that deep dark info hidden deep in your chest. It’s gone away. It doesn’t bother you at all. Can’t remember it.

Know when that’s not working? The volcano erupts. Might not be often, might be rare, but boy, when it does you know. Probably the people in the next street know it.


It's no Game. Do you become a dragon?

There’s frustration, there’s anger, there’s tears. There’s even angry tears of frustration, and this has been triggered by something slight, something so teensy that you’re surprised, amazed as how angry you are. Not at the time. No, at the time you’re so busy erupting you can’t even keep a handle on where the angry tears might be flinging themselves.

But after. Afterwards you might think ‘that was a large explosion over something that now I see it more calmly wasn’t really THAT huge’. That’s when you know that you’re not keeping a lid on it completely. That the molten lava that exists in the middle of your chest, or in the deepest trench underneath your 29 layers of carpet, is not contained.

That stuff is going to come out. And if you hold it in tightly every day for weeks and months and years, the explosion ain’t going to be pretty at the end of it.

If you know it’s time to excavate the load, if it’s your time to come clean, even just to yourself, but especially to a wider audience, you might want the tools for Speaking Up. Let go of the strain of holding that stuff in.

The Speaking Up program is coming soon. If you want in even before launch, get in contact with coach Glenda Thompson for some cautionary spade work to begin.

It’s No Game of Thrones and it can help you turn your dragon days into something more cohesive. It can help you turn those demons into inspiration instead of dreading your volcano days.

Failure’s a good thing?

Feels counter intuitive but I really “got” reassurance by the concept recently at an event called Unconvention. The organiser, Jack Delosa, a successful entrepreneur aged 27, talked about his failures. How he literally didn’t know what an invoice was with his first business as a teenager, and how he “fails six times a day” and often feels like a doofus. “Me too,” I thought. “How heartening!”

He recommend failing fast and lean so as to get to the product or service our customers can and want to use. We’ve all heard “fail fast” but I’ve never understood it so viscerally before.

To an audience of 700 to 800 in Sydney, (it also took place in Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth and Adelaide), this organisation offered entrepreneur education coated with life lessons. Speakers included Justine Flynn, also in her 20s, a co-founder of Thankyou Group, which functions to fund projects in developing nations; Naomi Simpson of RedBalloon gift experience company; and Mark Bouris, a titan in home loans and finance who was Australia’s equivalent to Donald Trump as host of The Apprentice series on TV. He also talked of failure as something our culture doesn’t welcome initially as a calling card, but in practice he found it tempered him for winning in the long run.

So failure? Let’s use it as a badge of honour. Let’s turn that culture on its head that says we have to dress it up as something else. Let’s own it. Flourishing AND failing. Yay!

Glenda commends

You are a powerful person who is on a mission in the world (even if that mission isn’t clear to you yet). Consider for a moment what would be available to you if you OWNED that power, instead of denying, diminishing, or giving that power away?

This is why my pal and colleague, Dr Heather Clark, is running a free training on grounding in your power and bringing in abundance. She is an intuitive coach and pharmacist (great combo) who helps inspired people like you close the Identity Gap(TM) so you work out how to use your power every day and even make it pay.  Click here to gain access to her replay:


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Need support on saying no?


The vexed issue of saying ‘no’: such a little word, and sometimes so tough to use. For example saying ‘no’ to something someone wants you to do that you really don’t want to do.

It’s smoother sometimes to put yourself out than to make waves when you refuse another’s request. “Come to my party/event/sausage sizzle” is sometimes the last thing you want to put in your week and yet we regularly find it difficult to make our own needs met at these moments. Maybe you’re busy or tired or would rather be home in the jammies and ugg boots that night. Maybe you have some self-care that could take place then. Maybe martinis and singing Willie Nelson covers just doesn’t float your boat.

Yet a typical candidate for my Speak Up Program will rationalise in this way: “Oh it’s only three hours out of my life; sounds like they need me, I don’t want to disappoint them, I might find it interesting/useful/fun.” Except you know in your heart it’s not your preferred use of your time.

Nevertheless you hear “Oh great, fine, yes” coming out of your mouth before you’ve even taken time to fully process it. Then, because you’re the type who’s commitment is strong, your fulfill your diary entry even though you most likely will spend the intervening time playing with the idea of escaping that duty and experiencing the frustration that you knee-jerked out an agreement yet again.

There is hope for you. There are methods for changing your habits. Together we can wean you from your ‘pleasing’ behavior and learn to start pleasing yourself first. It is a wonderful feeling.

Saying ‘no’ to small things may flex your muscles for when you seriously need to really reject something big, for your own safety or peace of mind.


Try this series of actions next time you’re in this position. Then keep practising.

Step 1 – Ask for time You aren’t usually forced to answer yes or no immediately. You really aren’t. Take a breather to ponder what you really want and how to word your answer.

Before you choose say ‘I’ll call you back on that’ or ‘let me look in my diary’. Take that pause to fully come into your body and ask yourself what you want.

Step 2 – Find out what you want Sometimes this is not as clear-cut as you might expect. It might take longer than you think to work out what choice would make you happiest. If you have trouble making a choice, you can always use my decision-making tool over at Flourisheer. Contact me to set up a 30 minute session to get you clear.

Step 3 – Yes with provisos If it’s a yes, then let them know. Consider making this work for you here, also. Instead of acting like a wuss, if that’s been your modus operandi, say: “I can come but I won’t be able to bring food this time.” “I’d love to be there and I can make it after my basketball game ends at 8.30.”

Step 4 – No with integrity If it’s no, don’t choose to fib as an excuse. You don’t even need to find a reason for why you can’t show up. Those options are common and most people can sense their fakeness. It will stop you feeling good about your own assertiveness and take away a lot of the great energy you’ll create by making YOUR choice stick.

Say no. “I’m not coming, thank you for asking.” Calmly, firmly.

Keep it brief so you don’t verbose yourself into fumbles and mumbles.

You can still be gracious – “Look another time I’ll take part but this month it’s a no from me.”  If that’s so, that is. If this offer is really something you’ll never want to do in your right mind try, “It’s not really my cup of tea/it’s not where my interests lie/it’s not for me.” That may stop further importuning if you want to make it that clear-cut.

And why not? What works for you is bound to work best for your asker too, ultimately. When you think about it, giving them the space to find those who really want to be involved means everyone has more fun. Including you.

Step 5 – Celebrate Now, congratulate yourself on determining how you want to spend your precious, wild, only life for those hours that you have freed up.

And for letting go of all that angst around “should” and “I wish I’d said something else” that would have continued to plague you if you’d handled things less effectively. Hooray!

Defunct email

The ‘’ email address that I’ve used for some years is now defunct. If you’ve been using that for me, please delete it and switch to: so we can keep in touch. I’d hate to lose you.

This gmail address will continue.

Speaking Up Stories        

I’m keen to hear your stories of how you refrained from speaking up, how you spoke up about something important and how this fits into your life now. Write them on my Facebook Flourisheer page.

See the stories already there.





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Speaking Up



I’ve had issues with Speaking Up most of my life. It’s my latest barrier to have broken. It’s something that I believe has held me back for years. That’s a place I don’t wish to inhabit any more.

I’ve started talking to near and dear friends about a topic that I’ve held close to the chest for decades and now that’s turned into speech that I’m starting to give and that I want to deliver more in Australia and elsewhere.

The topic overall is about the cost and pain of keeping things hidden, what makes us do that, how Speaking Up frees us to act. Also some steps for when first Speaking Up.

Why am I capitalising the words Speaking Up? Because that’s the name of a program that I’m launching shortly for those who’d like to take the plunge and come and delve into Speaking Up too.

Why we don’t Speak Up? 

It can be fear of rejection, shame, embarrassment, worry about how it will land with others. Maybe we’ve spoken about it to someone once and haven’t been happy with their response. All kinds of reasons have kept us bottled up.

The cost

What it costs to keep secrets can be as huge as life itself. Around the time the swimming star Ian Thorpe came out as gay recently he apparently spoke of depression and even thoughts of suicide. I read that he felt his integrity was at stake having denied his sexuality many times since he became a huge star aged about 14. What strain and energy it must have cost him to hold that position, and to keep acting on it, as a public figure in Australia.

Even for those of us not in the public eye there is a public interface that often comes into play. This is the Identity Gap, a concept coined by my friend Dr Heather Clark. In keeping a part of you hidden, you become a different person, in effect, and that public creation doesn’t have same the direct access to your heart and feelings. With a big gap between your public persona and your private one comes a lot of pain. It’s a strain to keep that in place and the secret buried, most likely bubbling away getting bigger and bigger.

How to start Speaking Up

It’s not the easiest thing. I’ve taken u-turns along this path and run back to my cave to fester and try and convince myself that this is all an unnecessary unheaval. But once you recognize the path you need to take it’s awfully hard to ignore it.

I know that sometimes it’s not smooth when it first comes out – how can it be, having been swept under the carpet all that time? But know that your secret can become your strength. Instead of being terrified of it you can be liberated by it.

One of the earliest steps is to set your intention of how it will unfold. Here tenderness to self is recommended instead of recrimination.


One – if this speaks to you, and you’ve reached that moment when you know “stuff” has to come up and come out, email me for more information about my upcoming program. There is a complimentary session available to explore if we’re a fit.

Two — find me a gig. If you know a group of 20 or more who’d like the speech about Speaking Up, please contact me. I want to spread the word.

Is you body great?

Eagle dance, at the Heard Museum Phoenix Arizona.

I’ve had a cold in the recent couple of weeks and it has been rather unpleasant. Not serious, not incapacitating, but debilitating, frustrating and not a very enjoyable use of my time, I’ve been grumbling. “Boring.“

I’m reminded: we don’t really give our bodies the respect they deserve except when something comes up to show us how well they function most of the time.

Well, body, respect! You do a great job in holding my essence and energy. Despite my occasional moans about wanting you looking this or that, wishing that I had 20 20 vision when I run into something in the dark, I really do appreciate you.

Appreciate your body if it lets you walk around or if it lets you breathe! Appreciate it for cooking up your kids or for running and dancing, for holding and cuddling, for seeing the flowers and the fish.


Fearlessness may be a gift, but perhaps more precious is courage. That comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate ones actions. –Aung San Suu Kyi





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I missed a plane – and I liked it

I have just returned from a week in wonderful Arizona. The cactuses around Scottsdale looked exactly like cartoons. I found that both soothing and exciting.

As I prepared to return home, I mixed up my flight times. Numbers aren’t my strong suit – stop laughing close friends! – and details sometimes don’t stick either.

When I realised, it was: throw everything in the bags, shriek for a taxi at high speed, leap into it with wet hair, stress for half the trip. Then, at that moment, I recalled my learning from the day before.

I had travelled to Scottsdale, just next to Phoenix, for a Mastermind retreat. With my fellow entrepreneurs and our coach, I had witnessed some amazing sessions. One topic in particular came up on that taxi ride.

A fellow Masterminder had realised that her business was conducted in a partial fog that made her miss things that everyone else was getting. She’d created that fog as a kind of numbing screen, a technique she’d employed since childhood to hide difficult truths.

She was quick to see it, own it and was set for change. It was a powerful coaching moment. Then she faced the terror of making her fundamental change. I won’t go into details because it’s highly personal and what happens at retreat stays there.

What we learned next was hard to explain but came down to the concept of ‘let it go.’ It costs us dearly to continue to clutch onto something that’s not right for us or doesn’t fit any longer. If we can ‘let it go’, we can take a heap of stress out of our lives. Even the thing or person being clung onto isn’t comfortable and will benefit from release.

For this woman, it made a lot of sense, and for me, I was just impressed at how open she was and how powerful our coach was and how this was amplified by the group of us who were invested and focused on the process.

‘Unbelievable,’ I thought. I had yet to link it practically to anything in own my life.

Low cloud over the Pacific.

Sometimes scenarios are sent to teach us. I reckon that missed plane was one for me at this juncture.

Half way to the airport I felt the shoulders drop. I stopped stressing. It was pretty obvious that I wasn’t going to make it. Well, so what? I could get on another plane. I didn’t have anything so pressing that was life or death at stake. I could ‘let it go’.

By the time I arrived at check in, my energy was almost accepting and I met a delightful woman from Hawaiian Airlines who soothed and smoothly flicked me over to the next day’s flights.

I got to spend another day in Phoenix and see the Desert Botanical Gardens and the Heard Museum, which I’d wanted to anyway. I understood in real time the fantastic effects that ‘let it go’ can have in the midst of chaos. I got a practical experience of how we can choose to welcome that energy and let the panic fall away. It was great. I liked it*.

*With apologies to Katy Perry, who’s documentary was an instructional piece for us on the retreat as well.

Mahalo. Hawaiian for thank you.

Succulents vertical wall.

Now your turn. Next time you’re all atizz and aflutter, try taking a moment to check:

1. Is this something I’m clutching on to?

2. Is it an unhealthy/overly dramatic clutching?

3. Even something I have never imagined loosening my death-grip clutches on before?

4. What if I could, even a bit, just ‘let it go’.

5. Try that. Breath deeply.



The only source of knowledge is experience. — Albert Einstein



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Time — where to find more

Often people say they don’t have enough time. Time to perform their work, time to properly take care of their bodies, time to spend with their families. It’s a ubiquitous complaint and one I’m working on too.

In some ways it’s true, we do have to choose our priorities. Complete the work assignment OR cook a nice dinner. Go for a walk before hitting the desk OR finish some housework. Those options are there every day and we do have obligations we have chosen to include in our lives.

Simply making such choices is not everything, our energy factors into this too. We could grudgingly go for the housework and feel hard done by all day, or we could have our exercise and either whisk through some of the housework later that night because we feel more energetic, or decide that it will wait for another time.

However today’s mindset piece is bigger than that. Making either/or choices still feels stunted. It’s still small bickies. How about if we turn everything on it head?

This happened For me the time question has been closely connected with sleeplessness for decades. I didn’t have any trouble FALLING asleep it was STAYING asleep that had me snookered. At three or four am my brain would rev again and fill with ideas or recriminations and that’s the end of it for the night. I well remember when our kids were at school and I worked in corporate, I’d really stress: ‘How will I get through my day if yet again I’m falling behind in sleep?” Pretty much making that anxiety come true. Cumulative effects would lead to less effectiveness at work, consequent fitness decline and — a familiar cycle. Stress is different things for each of us and it is in the eyes of the beholder.

Now that I run my own business I have a lot more say in my hours and how I spend them, but lately I’d been going down the worry rabbit hole again that was making the sleeping go to custard. Over the years I’ve tried lots of things – from visualisations to chemicals, and found some joy via self-hypnosis and tapping. However a simple flick of the mindset the other week has been quite a boon. Maybe it can shed some light on time issues for you.

Never enough If you lie awake and add up how much sleep you haven’t had, the time total is paramount. There hasn’t been enough. It’s never enough. You’re going to be groggy, grumpy, frustrated. Suddenly I perceived that this was all in the scarcity spectrum. For anyone unfamiliar with the Love — Fear polarity, fear is associated with lack, scarcity and ‘not enough’. In this case insufficient time sleeping to make a nice healthy life.

What if this could just be turned on its head, and one started believing the opposite? That there is always enough? That time to sleep is abundant and plentiful? Well, I think it might be working. I’ve drifted off to the old pattern once so far and heard ‘not enough.’ When you have that at your core of course it will come true. So tonight I’m back on the mantra – ‘there is plenty, there will be always enough’ and it comes true too. With sufficient sleep, life becomes more mellow and golden. With enough time to perform our other chosen roles who knows how great life could be.

So to adapt that to your specific time issue, see what’s possible if you truly go for a reset.

Actions – Time an issue?

1. Journal freely about it at length.

2. Notice the phases you use repeatedly. Collect them together. Choose one that sums up a specific situation.

3. Is it from the scarcity end of the spectrum?

4. Formulate a new take on the subject, if you knew you lived in a gloriously abundant and plentiful world.

Imagine the power of taking that approach every time your issue came up. Give it go. Form a new habit. This is not necessarily easy to do unsupported so grab a pal or a coach the support you. Give me a call and if you are serious about change, we’ll take a look at it together.

And yes, I’m ready to acknowledge those sleepless nights can give rise to brilliant breakthroughs. You have to trust they can also come in daylight!

Notepad from kikki.K.

Save time getting real clients Are you in business? Who’d welcome a simple concept to help you limit the time and money you spend searching for clients and get in touch with those who are ready to pay you? Check Sara Korn’s useful blog on ‘How to increase relevant leads for your business’:

I’d love to hear how it was helpful to you.

Make it You will never find time for anything. If you want time, you must make it. – Charles Buxton

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