It’s not like I’m going crazy or I’m not sure who I am. I always know I’m me, but there are these characters in my head that say: “What stopped you from finishing that task today? You gave up. You’re wet.”
That particular one is familiar at 4am and is annoying enough to keep me awake, listing all the things I haven’t done well enough up to some ridiculous standard.
What can be done about it at that moment is limited, physically. I could leap up and take steps, or make notes on a handy pad. However, mentally, there is heaps you can do (see Actions) – if you recognise what’s happening.
What most often occurs is that I try to get back to sleep but toss and turn and basically worry. Now we all know that worry does little except bother us. Yesterday’s gone, tomorrow’s not here, yada yada and concerning ourselves this way can just waste energy.
Even worse than those 4am voices are the daylight ones that get us in a low moment: “You’re lazy, you’re fat, you’re not good enough.”
These I might try and shut them down with ‘medications’ such as reading, TV, movies, eating, and so on. These distractions feel fine to start with but don’t help medium to long-term.
Several helpful methods for tackling these hecklers exist. One approach that’s appealing to me currently is the work of Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo, founders of the Inner Mean Girls’ Reform School. They have a number of “identities” for the Mean Girls (or Guys) that heckle us*. They work with them to tone down their messages and ultimately have us listen more, instead, to our Inner Wisdom. Sounds like a plan! Declaimer: I have never met these coaches and they are not rewarding me in any way to promote their program.
*Take the free test at www.InnerMeanGirlQuiz.com
Actions When you have a ‘Mean’ attack, rather than trying to hide from it, shut it down, distract your mind or any of those other techniques which don’t work well in the long term, try this acronym, ASA:
- Acknowledge them. They’re just trying to keep you safe, on their level.
- Stay with them for a while. Sometimes we act too fast to shut down the message. Often it can take only a minute or two for the sharpness of the message to melt away.
- Appreciate. Find something you’re grateful for right then and there and marinade in it.
When these simple steps help, do let me know. And if you’re looking for further and deeper support around letting loose the amazing person you know you are inside, contact me. See if my programs are your backup.
Don’t be distracted by criticism, remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you. – Zig Ziglar
Do I need a coach? If you’ve already got a lot going on and you’re doing quite well, you might think a coach isn’t necessary. And you may be right. You could be getting all the encouragement and inspiration you need from the things you read and the people around you.
If however there is a constant niggle – not a Mean nagger – but a whisper from your Inner Wisdom that’s telling you you need a different path, to bring a dream to fruition, that you’re really aiming too low, talk to a coach and see if they can hold the space for you to develop further.
To see if that coach is me and that I’m right for a potential partnership, contact me for a preliminary chat and I’ll let you know if we’ve got a path in common this year. Call +61 413 610350.
Contact me, I want to hear your voice!